I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
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