We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
