Plan B is the new Plan A
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Randomize
