Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
