i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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