Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
