So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
