My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
So many bounce houses so little time
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
