"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
