I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
