She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
