She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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