question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
It's blow job season.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
