you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
