May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
