I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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