dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
