Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
