I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
