Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
