it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Everyone says I win the strip club
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
