Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
