he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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