i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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