Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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