I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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