im six kinds of drunk right now
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
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