Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
