I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
