Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
