she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Hippo gnu deer
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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