i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
