btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
