dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
