you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
