she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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