his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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