Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
He kissed a someone with a penis
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
