Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
