you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
