i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
