I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
