Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
