I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
