I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
