Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i love accidental penises.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
