His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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