i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
