I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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