Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I'm bleeding and have questions
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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