So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
