You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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