my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
